The Work Out...

Oh God, please be with me tomorrow... I have been very successful with dieting. I managed to lose 16 pounds thus far with just watching what goes into my mouth. Look, to me thats the easy part to dieting only because I barely eat as it is. What scares me the most with this whole diet is the work out regime!  Now, let's talk about my gym... ** long pause** Dick City Central! As soon as I hit the door, BAM! I feel like men are watching me. As I look straight ahead trying not to make eye contact with any of these dudes, I feel more and more uncomfortable. My other LA Fitness was not like this hip hop club of a gym! Maybe I should get a membership at Curves instead of LA FITNESS... Naaaah, the thought of 50 year old women trying to show me up cuz they are in better shape would just piss me the hell off. And I don't wanna trip an old ass lady up and make her fall and break a hip... O_o
So I went to LA Fitness last week to renew my membership... First off lets talk about how DAVE! at the gym was trying to make bank on me! First off DAAAAVE! I don't like the gotdayum gym in the first place!  So no im not going to pay you $129 to come to this bitch only twice a week!!! This Asian must have lost his lil kong pow chicken mind! Nope ain't gonna happen I have to get my nails done tomorrow.  So, $76 dollars later... **long pause followed by a blank stare** I got a membership key chain again and now I am ready to hit the gym baby! WooooooHoooo!!!!!... Yea right bitch! Do you know it's going on 2 weeks and I have yet, to step foot inside of that gym. And the sad thing about this story is that, I have to pass the gym everyday to go and from work. This is a mind issue. I think with me, I tend to have it all together, but I really am struggling to make this work. I am not just being a slacker, I lack something that is holding me back from losing this weight and going inside of this gym! Up until yesterday...
Well yesterday I went to the gym. Earphones in, Rick Ross blaring (cuz that big breasted man is my motivation) no worries, I got this!  I had to pep talk my ass out of the car! WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! I was seriously scared to walk inside of this gym. It was packed. Sweaty men were all over the place and I was meeting eyes with some of these dudes. I look like shit, I feel dumpy as hell, I aint ready for this... I get on the stair climber only because all of the treadmills are taken. After 7minutes and 45seconds of me being on the stair climber, I almost died... No, seriously my legs had no feeling... A little cute petite woman hops off her treadmill and I'm like YESSSSS!!!! Nooooo bitch, noooooo!!!!!!!!!! No you are not ready! I stayed on the treadmill for 10minutes at 4.5 speed. I am not this outta shape. Just 3 months ago I was running non stop on the treadmill for 10-15 minutes! But at this moment in time, my body was telling me, not today you thick Mcdouble!
My mouth was dry, my head was getting dizzy and I was feeling like I had to throw up! Oooooh no, Yolanda dont make an ass outta yourself! I quickly went into my car, laid my head back on the seat and called my co-worker who is in tip top shape to tell her about my experience. Emmy I don't think I can do this. Im about to die BITCH!!!! I think I'm just gonna watch what I eat. I feel like I am going to pass the hell out! Snickering... Uhmmmm, why is Emmy laughing out loud at me...??? I feel some kinda way about this.. Emmy asked me what I ate before going to the gym... I had an egg white omlet that morning and a banana @7pm before the gym. "Bitch! Are you trying to kill yourself while running! " Emily, why are you yelling at me... :( What? What did I do wrong?? Emmy explained to me that I didn't put enough in, to exert that amount of energy out. So I had to eat something right away. I did that an instantly felt better!  My mom checked my sugar level and Emmy was right.  I was low... So tomorrow I met up with a trainer and he is going to show me how to work out properly... Again,  I am going to do my best... I will have another story for ya! And maybe even a few pics as well... we will see! Until tomorrow my loves!!! Muah ♥♥♥

BTW excuse all typos this blog was done all on my droid! :))

BIG GURLS NEED LOVIN' TOO!

Dammit!! Big gurls need to be loved as well!!!
 I was searching the internet looking for a reasonable picture of a man showing love toward a plus size woman.It's close to Valentines Day and I wanted to do an article.Well, I searched for a good 30 minutes! But all I could seem to find was foolishness and fuckery... Huh? So you mean to tell me that plus size women as myself is incapable of love and affection? Really?... As a woman who has always been the thicker of the click, I must admit. I had my hang ups at times. Wondering if a man could love me for all of my perfect imperfections. And now that I was doing this google search and can't find this type of love, I wonder if it even exist...
Lets be real here for a second! MEN LIKE THICK, FAT ASS, BIG BOOBY CHICKS! It aint what I am guessing, it's what I know for a fact. I have dated gorgeous men! And when I say gorgeous, I mean just that. I have dated the trainer who is now the GM of major fitness company. I have dated the model who you have probably seen on t.v. for one of my most favorite reality shows. I was in love with and engaged to a man who trained UFC fighters. And I had a rocky and crazy relationship with a fine ass, hot head Pittsburgh thug who wore me out! All of that to say that momma can pull'em! But that is besides the point! Were these men loving me for me or for my form? It seems like the thick chicks get excluded from the real love section. I don't want a man who just loves big fat chicks either. Those BBW men are weird as hell man!! They have creepy ass fetishes that I just don't get down with. Like eating ice cream outta fat chicks belly button! That shit is so not cool and creepy... LOL! I like men who love women! I like men who can look at me and can say, she has style, charisma and sexiness... I don't want a man that looks at me and says, "She's big! I want her!" So not cute! My size has never defined me!                                    
As I got older I learned how to embrace and love me. I exuded a confidence like no other. I had confidence in the way I walked, the way I talked and in the way I dressed. I wear 6 inches of heel perfectly for my 5'8'' 200 pound frame. That's me! That's who I am! But even with the bigger than life personality, I still have my insecurities... I am involved with a man now who I can honestly say I am in love with. I think that this is my year to love and have someone to love me back equally. Corey and I have know each other for at least 2 years now and even though we have know each other for some time, I think we have finally grown up to take it to another level. He is gone a lot due to him being a musician. And that is one thing that I am growing to learn. Groupies love musicians and they love this dread head, drum tapping negro! So I am learning to be easy and not let that worry me. He loves his daughter and he loves his music. All I know is, he better put my thick ass right in the middle of that equation. He has been gone on tour with a cruise line for 3 months now and he wont be back until April... I wonder if he is going to like the new frame he sees at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport?!? I have lost 16 pounds since the last time he saw me... I am hoping to drop another 16-20 before he gets back home in April. Will he be shocked?... Who knows...

Found a man who knows where to put his hand on a woman... Lol I <3 this dude!

Who is that FAT GIRL??

Yea that was my same question! Who is the hefty chick looking back at me in the mirror! One night after getting out of the shower, I noticed a big dark line creeping up my stomach... WTF!?!? Omg, what the fuck is that???? Is that a stretch mark?!?!? I could not believe what the hell I was looking at. I NEVER in my life had any dark marks on my body! I never even had a scar that I could tell a story about on my body. I was always protected by mother who made sure I never had any cuts or scrapes on my skin. That's why I never learned how to ride a bike! My mom didn't want me to mess my pretty legs up!  So why now? Why is it now at the age of 30, I have a huge fucking line on my stomach. I was so disgusted with myself that night, that I actually went to bed in tears. I have eaten my way to disfigurement.
Flashing back to some events that happened earlier that year in 2012... I can see why I packed on the LB's... Not to make excuses for my weight gain.Cuz, I hate those types who blame having a fat ass on their overbearing mother or their abusive father... Nah, I don't blame anything on anyone. But I can honestly say that I had some crazy things happen to me. #1 I got out of a dead end losing relationship with a loser... #2 I was in school trying to meet deadlines for graduation, #3 I was without a job for a whole year, #4 I lost my apartment do to me not having a job, #5 I turned 30, #6 I had to move back home with my mother #7 I LOVE FOOD AND VODKA and I party waaay too much... OMG! I am as big as a fucking house and my life is in ruins!!!! NO WONDER WHY I AM A FAT ASS!!!! 
I went through a little bit of a pitty party that some people may call depression... I don't call it that! I call it a party without a DJ... Yea, I hate saying depression. What are you depressed about. Every time a bitch says she is depressed I want to slap the shit outta her and say "BITCH FOCUS! There is a child hungry somewhere in the world; you are depressed??" So yea, I was stuck at a party without a DJ for a few months and it sucked ass... How am I going to get out of this funk. How am I going to lose this weight and be a happy healthier me?... Well this is my journal of how I am losing these Heavy Duty Pounds and remaining stretch mark free. Read along and find out how I cope with relationships, work, family (which is a very big struggle) and just LIFE! I am learning how to be a healthier happier me and putting an end the family curse of obesity and sickness. 2013 LET'S GO!