Regaining Your Confidence!

There is a lot you don't know about me. I am a lot of things.I am a daughter, sister, lover and friend. Sometimes I am a good daughter, sister, lover and friend, but sometimes I am not. I love people and I care for people. But sometimes I can't stand people to be around me! Sometimes you just wanna be left alone! It's funny because as I grow older, I realize that there are a lot of things that I really don't even know about me! I learn a lil bit more about me everyday.! I call it maturity and growth. I call it "regaining confidence" in yourself. Allowing what you learn along the path of life to guide you throughout life. This blog was supposed to be about me! This once fat girls journal on how to become fit and fine. I realized sooner than later, this is not what I needed. I realized that I needed to have confidence in any size jeans I was in. Food wasn't the culprit to my unhappiness. Situations and people whom I allowed into my home, my life, my circle. These were some of the things that caused me to be unhappy and leaded me to feed my emotions. 

I write when the spirit moves me to write. I am not an everyday blogger and sometimes I am just in a slump. I don't want to do anything because I really am consumed with LIFE! But when the spirit moves me, I am obedient and I do what it tells me to do. About 2 months ago my spirit was happy. The person who I really truly cared for and began to love was coming home! I was excited, over joyed and happy! We met over 2 almost 3 years ago. But we split and then we decided to try it one more time. As you know, while he was gone, I started my health awareness and began eating better and exercising. I wanted to be healthier and stronger but, I also wanted to look fabulous and sexy once he saw me after being gone for so long. When he got back, I had lost a total of 34 pounds! AMAZING! Within  4 months, I lost 34 pounds! I felt good and I looked good!

 I slipped on my Recco Chapele body huggin dress! My boobies were sitting puuuurfectly and that body was right!  And when he saw me!!!!!!! Nothing... Not one word. Not one word of babe you look good. Not one word asking me how I lost the weight, not one word... Wow. Kinda crushing. A lot of other things were not right, (that I wont go into detail about... right now...) but I was kind of crushed. Here it is, I am no longer at risk for predisposed diabetes, I look and feel great! Is it just me. Am I tooting my own horn too much?? Well, needless to say I decided to allow that relationship to cease. We can always be friends. But I knew from that day, the fire wasn't there that I needed to keep me going. The fire to keep me inspired, happy and encouraged to live my life healthier and better wasn't there.

I didn't allow the relationship get me down! In fact it made me work harder! I am so happy right now. I keep reassuring myself that I would rather be alone than unhappy. I get out 3 or 4 times a week and work out in the park! I go and walk for 45 minutes to an hour to clear my mind, think about what I need to do and imagine where I want to be in the future. It is free and I don't have to worry about dirty ass men stalking me in the gym, looking at my titts and ass while I jog on the treadmill! I am now 42 pounds down and I have 25-30 more to go. I am taking my time because I want to do this right. But I am not stopping until I get to where I want to be health wise and physically! 

Ladies and gents, never wait on someone to compliment your confidence! Wear your badge of confidence everyday! Knowing that you are awesome and beautiful no matter what nobody has to say! REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE!!! Eat right and Keep it Tight! 

The Beaux is Back

How Can I Stay Focused

Many of you don't know about my personal life. I kinda am a private person and I really keep to my self when it comes to my relationships. I feel like a lot of times when you are happy and you start speaking on it, you can jinx your relationship. People want what you have! Before you know it, drama pops up outta no where! To be honest, I am 30 years old. I have noooo time for bullshit and drama. I want marriage, I want children, I want a healthy, strong and meaningful relationship. I don't think its much to ask for... With that being said, hey guys meet Corey!

I have known Corey now for almost, lets see here... 3 years. And I think he is a pretty decent guy. Of course we all have our flaws, but with him its nothing major. He is soft spoken, pretty gentle with me and my feelings and most of all he is a wonderful dad to a pretty little girl. I met him one night at a grand opening for a restaurant called Purple Rain. I was cute, but real regular this particular night. Usually when I go out to grand openings, I doll her up with makeup and push the girls all the way up to thee top! Lol. But this particular night, my friend Tonita convinced me to go out with her. I really didn't want to go out. But friendship rules! I threw on this over sized one shoulder out sweater, leggings and a pair of pumps.  Why did I do that? When I got there, press was out taking pics, celebs were there, hoochies were out with band aids on, and a cute guy playing the drums was there as well... Yup, my baby is a talented musician. During his break from playing, he sat across from me and kept starring! I felt under done and outta place. So I wasn't trying to talk to him. But on his 2nd and final break of the night, he came over and talked to me. We exchanged numbers and the rest is history.

That leads me to the following... Corey is a drummer. And he has been gone for a loooooong 6 months. Our schedules conflict and I haven't been able to go and see him when he ports in New Orleans. I am a girl who doesn't need a lot. But when I need love and affection, I need it like a drug. When Corey left I knew he would be gone for a long time. I made the decision that when he came back, I wanted to be shape. I wanted to look and feel sexy. I think when u look and feel sexy, that energy bounces off of you and attacks the person whom you are with. When I saw Corey at the airport, I had on a form fitted Reco Chapelle dress, high heels and fabulous bedroom tossled hair. I had confidence! I felt certain that he desired me. I was happy to see this man who I hadn't touched, felt, smelled, kissed or made love to in 6 months... Crazy right! I know. It drove me almost INSANE!

 I MUST STAY FOCUSED! Since Corey has been back I have not been to the gym. I have not worked out and even though I control my portions, I have been eating whatever the hell he wants to eat. Women, you know we can't do what men do! Corey can drop weight instantly. Me on the other hand, has to keep my ass stayed in the gym to burn off thigh meat! I have to stay focused. Even though I want to be next to my man 24/7 (cuz he is leaving again soon) I can't be. I have to work out still and keep it sexy for us. I also think that when men see you focused on other things besides them, it keeps them intrigued. So, tomorrow I am going to the gym early in the a.m. to hit the paint hard! I got a body to keep healthy and in shape for ME! Then I am going to see about that man who I am growing more and more fond of by the minute... Tehehehe. ;) Remember ladies! EAT RIGHT AND KEEP IT TIGHT! 

Never Giving Up...

This weight loss journey has been painful and pleasurable all at the same time. I realized that I wanted to change and that I needed to change. I am not sure if I told you this, but my father had diabetes and eventually died due to heart failure. I have a mom who is over weight and she has type 2 diabetes and heart disease. I also have a sister, who at the early age of 43 had a massive stroke and almost died. She is partially paralyzed on her left side. All of these things scare the Jesus out of me! But I once was told that FEAR is the enemy. But FAITH is the light. Why be fearful when you can make changes in your life that is better for you and your health. 

At my family reunion in November 2012. Fat in a sweater!!

Last year when I turned 30 I was so fat and unhappy. I didn't know I was unhappy, but now looking back I was very unhappy. I was disguising my unhappiness with over the top things in life. Like saying that I was fine and fat! Bitch please, no you are not! There is nothing fine about FAT! I want women to stop saying this dumb shit. You are in denial heffa. You can not be fine and dead. Those two things don't go together. I looked in the mirror one day and said, "You aren't happy with you Yolanda. If you were you wouldn't have to convince yourself that you are." Constantly layering clothes, making sure my shirts were long enough to cover my fanny pack, dressing in black, wearing long hair because I thought it made my face look smaller. LIES! LIES! LIES! I was not cute, I was fucking hot! Hot from all of those dayum clothes I had to wear to cover up in the summer! But in the winter too! Who wears a stomach cincher  under a sweater to hide a spare tire that doesn't move you anywhere. This was getting bad and I had to cut the crap. I had to be real with me for a moment. If you can't be real with you, you will always lose.
 In November of last year I met up with a Doctor who was the medical director at the spa where I worked. I spoke to him about Liposuction and how I wanted to get fat sucked out from every where in my body. The doctor looked at my body with my bra and panties on and he told me it wouldn't work and  that I wouldn't be happy. What Dr. Locke? Are you saying there is no hope for me? That's all I heard... But Dr. Locke wasn't saying this to me at all. What he saw was a young lady who was over weight and needed to change her life the right way. Since I left Bloomingdales, I didn't have health insurance and I couldn't afford to see a doctor as regularly as I wanted or needed to. If I could visit my doctor on an as needed basis, I would have found out that I was diagnosed predisposed diabetes and my chances of being a full blown diabetic was right around the corner due to my parents condition. My weight and sugar levels were kinda outrageous. I was so emotional because all I could think about was my daddy and how his organs slowly, but surely shut down. Dr. Locke stated that he wanted to work with me and use me as his poster child for weight loss and body contouring. But only under one condition. I would have to drop at least 20 pounds and my BMI had to be good before I could do any surgery. 

I lost 16 pounds in this picture

January 15 started my new life. I began to do meal replacement shakes along with a weight loss supplement called phentermine. Some people may not agree with me taking a drug, but I knew this would be the one thing that could jump start my diet without me craving and bumming out my diet. I ate 600-800 calories a day and monitored what I ate with an app on my phone called fitness pal. I think this is the best thing ever. You monitor what you eat and see how many calories you eat and drink. When I saw how many calories were in Mc Donalds sweet tea I almost fainted. It was like 300 calories! Why consume that! You can have so many other things to eat and drink, why waste it on a sweet tea?!?! If you want to lose the pounds it is possible. I am a food addict. I know, I was the one who said before that sounds ridiculous! But I realized that just like a person who is on drugs, I had the same behaviors with food. Get paid on a Friday, go out and eat that night! Go to a drive thru because I have $3 dollars for a cheeseburger and fries! THIS IS WHAT CRACKHEADS DO!!! You have to see the behavior for what it is. Since I have been eating right, I realize how much Mc Donalds makes me constipated... O_o... LOL, Seriously! When I eat fast food now I see what it did to my stomach! I seriously can not go to the bathroom. Wow, maybe that is why I always had a tire around my waist. I couldn't get rid of the shit in my stomach! It is amazing at how much you learn about your body, when you research YOU! When you know better, you do better. I have learned so many ways of how to make water taste delicious! I have created so many different dishes that fill me up and taste ABSOFREAKINLUTELY WONDERFUL! COME ON PEOPLE! DON'T GIVE UP YOU TOO CAN DO WHAT I DID! 
I want to leave you with this note. I am grateful that my doctor made me diet. It taught me how to value my life and the people in my life. Today I have lost a total of 23 1/2 pounds and I AM IN LOVE WITH ME!!!!! No matter how many times I wanted to get off the treadmill, or how many times I wanted to eat bad stuff, I never gave up. I continue to lose weight and I am getting my happy back with getting this fine piece of ass in shape. 
Remember to eat right and keep it tight! 

Work Out for Love

Would You Work Out for Love???

Would you or could you drop the LB's if your partner was less attracted to you due to weight gain? A lot of women and men struggle with this issue. I have a few friends who have gotten married over the last few years. Some of them have remain the same size since college. But some of my friends kinda got relaxed with their new spouses and their weight has ballooned outta control. Recently I got into a relationship that made me extra happy! I am so happy to the point of me wanting to lose weight! Don't get me wrong. My love has never said anything to me about my weight or my size. I think if he did, we would no longer be together. I feel that if you get into a relationship with a person and they don't accept you for who you are, SCREW THEM! They are undeserving of your love, time and affection. 

But, on the other hand, is it okay to gain tons of weight after being with a person for a long period of time. Women go on these crazy wedding diets to look beautiful on their BIG day! Only to get BIGGER 6 months after the wedding. That aint right ladies! What about the weight we gain after the babies come?!?!? How long should it take to get the baby weight off? Everyone's body is different. So what might take one woman 6 weeks to lose extra pounds, might take another woman 6 months! 

Men, the same thing goes for you! Your wife gets pregnant, and the next thing we see is your belly poking out of a shirt! So not cool dude... I think that women are more forgiving when it comes to baldness and belly's. But men can't shake the fact that women over the years gain extra weight due to a lot of things. So with this being said, If you have a partner who has gained a few pounds over the years and you see that they are not the same. They are lacking confidence and are feeling more and more uncomfortable about their weight gain, help them!  Here are a few tips to encourage them and not discourage them! 

5. Pack a lunch for your spouse that is healthy and cute. If you fix a nice healthy salad, give them a low calorie treat with an I LOVE YOU note attached. This shows your love that you care about their health and not their weight..

neonewsy.blogspot.com 

4. Suggest going out on the town to dance! One sure way to burn some calories is to get down on the good foot with the one you love!

 3.If you have children, simple activities like bike riding can get the whole family involved with exercise! Playing tag for 10 minutes can get the heart rate going! Even though I don't have  kids, I love taking my niece and nephew roller skating! FUN! FUN! FUN! 

2. Stop eating out all of the time! It's not healthy or cost efficient at all! Try new healthy recipes and cook together. In the midst of your cooking sneak a kiss or two here or there! 

1.After that meal, try a little dessert... On your partner!

 Dr. Weiders, Calories Burned by Sex Study shows that you can burn up to 900 calories during a night of hot steamy SEX! Hello! Tantric Sexual Healing also engages your partner, stretches the body and gets you in the mood to burn up those calories in the bed!  

There is no perfect body. We all have our insecurities and hang ups about our reflection in the mirror. I think that women bring more attention to themselves by being so insecure at times. I guess that's what we do. In the end, if you have a spouse, partner, boyfriend or girlfriend. Love them no matter what. Accept their perfect imperfections and encourage them to live a healthier and sexier life! Until next time, Eat Right and Keep it Tight!  

BIG GURLS NEED LOVIN' TOO!

Dammit!! Big gurls need to be loved as well!!!
 I was searching the internet looking for a reasonable picture of a man showing love toward a plus size woman.It's close to Valentines Day and I wanted to do an article.Well, I searched for a good 30 minutes! But all I could seem to find was foolishness and fuckery... Huh? So you mean to tell me that plus size women as myself is incapable of love and affection? Really?... As a woman who has always been the thicker of the click, I must admit. I had my hang ups at times. Wondering if a man could love me for all of my perfect imperfections. And now that I was doing this google search and can't find this type of love, I wonder if it even exist...
Lets be real here for a second! MEN LIKE THICK, FAT ASS, BIG BOOBY CHICKS! It aint what I am guessing, it's what I know for a fact. I have dated gorgeous men! And when I say gorgeous, I mean just that. I have dated the trainer who is now the GM of major fitness company. I have dated the model who you have probably seen on t.v. for one of my most favorite reality shows. I was in love with and engaged to a man who trained UFC fighters. And I had a rocky and crazy relationship with a fine ass, hot head Pittsburgh thug who wore me out! All of that to say that momma can pull'em! But that is besides the point! Were these men loving me for me or for my form? It seems like the thick chicks get excluded from the real love section. I don't want a man who just loves big fat chicks either. Those BBW men are weird as hell man!! They have creepy ass fetishes that I just don't get down with. Like eating ice cream outta fat chicks belly button! That shit is so not cool and creepy... LOL! I like men who love women! I like men who can look at me and can say, she has style, charisma and sexiness... I don't want a man that looks at me and says, "She's big! I want her!" So not cute! My size has never defined me!                                    
As I got older I learned how to embrace and love me. I exuded a confidence like no other. I had confidence in the way I walked, the way I talked and in the way I dressed. I wear 6 inches of heel perfectly for my 5'8'' 200 pound frame. That's me! That's who I am! But even with the bigger than life personality, I still have my insecurities... I am involved with a man now who I can honestly say I am in love with. I think that this is my year to love and have someone to love me back equally. Corey and I have know each other for at least 2 years now and even though we have know each other for some time, I think we have finally grown up to take it to another level. He is gone a lot due to him being a musician. And that is one thing that I am growing to learn. Groupies love musicians and they love this dread head, drum tapping negro! So I am learning to be easy and not let that worry me. He loves his daughter and he loves his music. All I know is, he better put my thick ass right in the middle of that equation. He has been gone on tour with a cruise line for 3 months now and he wont be back until April... I wonder if he is going to like the new frame he sees at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport?!? I have lost 16 pounds since the last time he saw me... I am hoping to drop another 16-20 before he gets back home in April. Will he be shocked?... Who knows...

Found a man who knows where to put his hand on a woman... Lol I <3 this dude!

Who is that FAT GIRL??

Yea that was my same question! Who is the hefty chick looking back at me in the mirror! One night after getting out of the shower, I noticed a big dark line creeping up my stomach... WTF!?!? Omg, what the fuck is that???? Is that a stretch mark?!?!? I could not believe what the hell I was looking at. I NEVER in my life had any dark marks on my body! I never even had a scar that I could tell a story about on my body. I was always protected by mother who made sure I never had any cuts or scrapes on my skin. That's why I never learned how to ride a bike! My mom didn't want me to mess my pretty legs up!  So why now? Why is it now at the age of 30, I have a huge fucking line on my stomach. I was so disgusted with myself that night, that I actually went to bed in tears. I have eaten my way to disfigurement.
Flashing back to some events that happened earlier that year in 2012... I can see why I packed on the LB's... Not to make excuses for my weight gain.Cuz, I hate those types who blame having a fat ass on their overbearing mother or their abusive father... Nah, I don't blame anything on anyone. But I can honestly say that I had some crazy things happen to me. #1 I got out of a dead end losing relationship with a loser... #2 I was in school trying to meet deadlines for graduation, #3 I was without a job for a whole year, #4 I lost my apartment do to me not having a job, #5 I turned 30, #6 I had to move back home with my mother #7 I LOVE FOOD AND VODKA and I party waaay too much... OMG! I am as big as a fucking house and my life is in ruins!!!! NO WONDER WHY I AM A FAT ASS!!!! 
I went through a little bit of a pitty party that some people may call depression... I don't call it that! I call it a party without a DJ... Yea, I hate saying depression. What are you depressed about. Every time a bitch says she is depressed I want to slap the shit outta her and say "BITCH FOCUS! There is a child hungry somewhere in the world; you are depressed??" So yea, I was stuck at a party without a DJ for a few months and it sucked ass... How am I going to get out of this funk. How am I going to lose this weight and be a happy healthier me?... Well this is my journal of how I am losing these Heavy Duty Pounds and remaining stretch mark free. Read along and find out how I cope with relationships, work, family (which is a very big struggle) and just LIFE! I am learning how to be a healthier happier me and putting an end the family curse of obesity and sickness. 2013 LET'S GO!