Never Giving Up...

This weight loss journey has been painful and pleasurable all at the same time. I realized that I wanted to change and that I needed to change. I am not sure if I told you this, but my father had diabetes and eventually died due to heart failure. I have a mom who is over weight and she has type 2 diabetes and heart disease. I also have a sister, who at the early age of 43 had a massive stroke and almost died. She is partially paralyzed on her left side. All of these things scare the Jesus out of me! But I once was told that FEAR is the enemy. But FAITH is the light. Why be fearful when you can make changes in your life that is better for you and your health. 

At my family reunion in November 2012. Fat in a sweater!!

Last year when I turned 30 I was so fat and unhappy. I didn't know I was unhappy, but now looking back I was very unhappy. I was disguising my unhappiness with over the top things in life. Like saying that I was fine and fat! Bitch please, no you are not! There is nothing fine about FAT! I want women to stop saying this dumb shit. You are in denial heffa. You can not be fine and dead. Those two things don't go together. I looked in the mirror one day and said, "You aren't happy with you Yolanda. If you were you wouldn't have to convince yourself that you are." Constantly layering clothes, making sure my shirts were long enough to cover my fanny pack, dressing in black, wearing long hair because I thought it made my face look smaller. LIES! LIES! LIES! I was not cute, I was fucking hot! Hot from all of those dayum clothes I had to wear to cover up in the summer! But in the winter too! Who wears a stomach cincher  under a sweater to hide a spare tire that doesn't move you anywhere. This was getting bad and I had to cut the crap. I had to be real with me for a moment. If you can't be real with you, you will always lose.
 In November of last year I met up with a Doctor who was the medical director at the spa where I worked. I spoke to him about Liposuction and how I wanted to get fat sucked out from every where in my body. The doctor looked at my body with my bra and panties on and he told me it wouldn't work and  that I wouldn't be happy. What Dr. Locke? Are you saying there is no hope for me? That's all I heard... But Dr. Locke wasn't saying this to me at all. What he saw was a young lady who was over weight and needed to change her life the right way. Since I left Bloomingdales, I didn't have health insurance and I couldn't afford to see a doctor as regularly as I wanted or needed to. If I could visit my doctor on an as needed basis, I would have found out that I was diagnosed predisposed diabetes and my chances of being a full blown diabetic was right around the corner due to my parents condition. My weight and sugar levels were kinda outrageous. I was so emotional because all I could think about was my daddy and how his organs slowly, but surely shut down. Dr. Locke stated that he wanted to work with me and use me as his poster child for weight loss and body contouring. But only under one condition. I would have to drop at least 20 pounds and my BMI had to be good before I could do any surgery. 

I lost 16 pounds in this picture

January 15 started my new life. I began to do meal replacement shakes along with a weight loss supplement called phentermine. Some people may not agree with me taking a drug, but I knew this would be the one thing that could jump start my diet without me craving and bumming out my diet. I ate 600-800 calories a day and monitored what I ate with an app on my phone called fitness pal. I think this is the best thing ever. You monitor what you eat and see how many calories you eat and drink. When I saw how many calories were in Mc Donalds sweet tea I almost fainted. It was like 300 calories! Why consume that! You can have so many other things to eat and drink, why waste it on a sweet tea?!?! If you want to lose the pounds it is possible. I am a food addict. I know, I was the one who said before that sounds ridiculous! But I realized that just like a person who is on drugs, I had the same behaviors with food. Get paid on a Friday, go out and eat that night! Go to a drive thru because I have $3 dollars for a cheeseburger and fries! THIS IS WHAT CRACKHEADS DO!!! You have to see the behavior for what it is. Since I have been eating right, I realize how much Mc Donalds makes me constipated... O_o... LOL, Seriously! When I eat fast food now I see what it did to my stomach! I seriously can not go to the bathroom. Wow, maybe that is why I always had a tire around my waist. I couldn't get rid of the shit in my stomach! It is amazing at how much you learn about your body, when you research YOU! When you know better, you do better. I have learned so many ways of how to make water taste delicious! I have created so many different dishes that fill me up and taste ABSOFREAKINLUTELY WONDERFUL! COME ON PEOPLE! DON'T GIVE UP YOU TOO CAN DO WHAT I DID! 
I want to leave you with this note. I am grateful that my doctor made me diet. It taught me how to value my life and the people in my life. Today I have lost a total of 23 1/2 pounds and I AM IN LOVE WITH ME!!!!! No matter how many times I wanted to get off the treadmill, or how many times I wanted to eat bad stuff, I never gave up. I continue to lose weight and I am getting my happy back with getting this fine piece of ass in shape. 
Remember to eat right and keep it tight!