Getting Back on Track

I need to get back on track! Guilt is kicking in and I see myself slowly stopping the good thing I have going on. I acknowledge that I have not been working out, I have been eating more carbs. I have been drinking juice and soda, I have been going out and eating out with my new love and boyfriend who is 6'2" and a solid piece of man candy! I HAVE BEEN SLACKING OFF! AND I HATE IT! BEING TOO GOT DAYUM COMFORTABLE AINT NEVER GOOD! So much is going on in my life, weight loss seems to be the least of my concerns. My car is totaled, I have 3 jobs most of the time. I battle with myself a lot, trying to decide whether I should go left or right. A lot stays on my mind. At night I can't sleep and my mind is constantly going and turning... I realize that stress can push you to success or it can push you over the cliff. I want to be my best me. Sometimes it is so hard to keep focused on your goals and accomplish success when you are going through hell. So many things are going down. But I have so much to look forward to. Imma keep pushing and keep going! I have no other choice. So many people wanna see you trip. But there are so many people who wanna see me make it! Imma give the haters a show and my followers a masterpiece they can learn from. Don't worry about what I am doing. Just watch how I do it. I'm not giving up. I want to make it a goal to get 25-30 pounds lighter. I'm going to do it. It might not be right away, but its going to happen. I am going to show me that I have control and self discipline. No matter what, never give up on your goals! That is the enemy trying to steal your birth right of happiness! You deserve the best in life! Make it happen girl! GO! DO IT! MAKE IT HAPPEN! NEVER GIVE UP! FIGHT! FIGHT, KICK & SCREAM FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE HAPPY! Why? Because deserve to be happy. Loving me is the best thing I can do for me... As I encourage myself, I hope I encouraged you. Remember to eat right and keep it tight!

Never Giving Up...

This weight loss journey has been painful and pleasurable all at the same time. I realized that I wanted to change and that I needed to change. I am not sure if I told you this, but my father had diabetes and eventually died due to heart failure. I have a mom who is over weight and she has type 2 diabetes and heart disease. I also have a sister, who at the early age of 43 had a massive stroke and almost died. She is partially paralyzed on her left side. All of these things scare the Jesus out of me! But I once was told that FEAR is the enemy. But FAITH is the light. Why be fearful when you can make changes in your life that is better for you and your health. 

At my family reunion in November 2012. Fat in a sweater!!

Last year when I turned 30 I was so fat and unhappy. I didn't know I was unhappy, but now looking back I was very unhappy. I was disguising my unhappiness with over the top things in life. Like saying that I was fine and fat! Bitch please, no you are not! There is nothing fine about FAT! I want women to stop saying this dumb shit. You are in denial heffa. You can not be fine and dead. Those two things don't go together. I looked in the mirror one day and said, "You aren't happy with you Yolanda. If you were you wouldn't have to convince yourself that you are." Constantly layering clothes, making sure my shirts were long enough to cover my fanny pack, dressing in black, wearing long hair because I thought it made my face look smaller. LIES! LIES! LIES! I was not cute, I was fucking hot! Hot from all of those dayum clothes I had to wear to cover up in the summer! But in the winter too! Who wears a stomach cincher  under a sweater to hide a spare tire that doesn't move you anywhere. This was getting bad and I had to cut the crap. I had to be real with me for a moment. If you can't be real with you, you will always lose.
 In November of last year I met up with a Doctor who was the medical director at the spa where I worked. I spoke to him about Liposuction and how I wanted to get fat sucked out from every where in my body. The doctor looked at my body with my bra and panties on and he told me it wouldn't work and  that I wouldn't be happy. What Dr. Locke? Are you saying there is no hope for me? That's all I heard... But Dr. Locke wasn't saying this to me at all. What he saw was a young lady who was over weight and needed to change her life the right way. Since I left Bloomingdales, I didn't have health insurance and I couldn't afford to see a doctor as regularly as I wanted or needed to. If I could visit my doctor on an as needed basis, I would have found out that I was diagnosed predisposed diabetes and my chances of being a full blown diabetic was right around the corner due to my parents condition. My weight and sugar levels were kinda outrageous. I was so emotional because all I could think about was my daddy and how his organs slowly, but surely shut down. Dr. Locke stated that he wanted to work with me and use me as his poster child for weight loss and body contouring. But only under one condition. I would have to drop at least 20 pounds and my BMI had to be good before I could do any surgery. 

I lost 16 pounds in this picture

January 15 started my new life. I began to do meal replacement shakes along with a weight loss supplement called phentermine. Some people may not agree with me taking a drug, but I knew this would be the one thing that could jump start my diet without me craving and bumming out my diet. I ate 600-800 calories a day and monitored what I ate with an app on my phone called fitness pal. I think this is the best thing ever. You monitor what you eat and see how many calories you eat and drink. When I saw how many calories were in Mc Donalds sweet tea I almost fainted. It was like 300 calories! Why consume that! You can have so many other things to eat and drink, why waste it on a sweet tea?!?! If you want to lose the pounds it is possible. I am a food addict. I know, I was the one who said before that sounds ridiculous! But I realized that just like a person who is on drugs, I had the same behaviors with food. Get paid on a Friday, go out and eat that night! Go to a drive thru because I have $3 dollars for a cheeseburger and fries! THIS IS WHAT CRACKHEADS DO!!! You have to see the behavior for what it is. Since I have been eating right, I realize how much Mc Donalds makes me constipated... O_o... LOL, Seriously! When I eat fast food now I see what it did to my stomach! I seriously can not go to the bathroom. Wow, maybe that is why I always had a tire around my waist. I couldn't get rid of the shit in my stomach! It is amazing at how much you learn about your body, when you research YOU! When you know better, you do better. I have learned so many ways of how to make water taste delicious! I have created so many different dishes that fill me up and taste ABSOFREAKINLUTELY WONDERFUL! COME ON PEOPLE! DON'T GIVE UP YOU TOO CAN DO WHAT I DID! 
I want to leave you with this note. I am grateful that my doctor made me diet. It taught me how to value my life and the people in my life. Today I have lost a total of 23 1/2 pounds and I AM IN LOVE WITH ME!!!!! No matter how many times I wanted to get off the treadmill, or how many times I wanted to eat bad stuff, I never gave up. I continue to lose weight and I am getting my happy back with getting this fine piece of ass in shape. 
Remember to eat right and keep it tight! 

The Work Out...

Oh God, please be with me tomorrow... I have been very successful with dieting. I managed to lose 16 pounds thus far with just watching what goes into my mouth. Look, to me thats the easy part to dieting only because I barely eat as it is. What scares me the most with this whole diet is the work out regime!  Now, let's talk about my gym... ** long pause** Dick City Central! As soon as I hit the door, BAM! I feel like men are watching me. As I look straight ahead trying not to make eye contact with any of these dudes, I feel more and more uncomfortable. My other LA Fitness was not like this hip hop club of a gym! Maybe I should get a membership at Curves instead of LA FITNESS... Naaaah, the thought of 50 year old women trying to show me up cuz they are in better shape would just piss me the hell off. And I don't wanna trip an old ass lady up and make her fall and break a hip... O_o
So I went to LA Fitness last week to renew my membership... First off lets talk about how DAVE! at the gym was trying to make bank on me! First off DAAAAVE! I don't like the gotdayum gym in the first place!  So no im not going to pay you $129 to come to this bitch only twice a week!!! This Asian must have lost his lil kong pow chicken mind! Nope ain't gonna happen I have to get my nails done tomorrow.  So, $76 dollars later... **long pause followed by a blank stare** I got a membership key chain again and now I am ready to hit the gym baby! WooooooHoooo!!!!!... Yea right bitch! Do you know it's going on 2 weeks and I have yet, to step foot inside of that gym. And the sad thing about this story is that, I have to pass the gym everyday to go and from work. This is a mind issue. I think with me, I tend to have it all together, but I really am struggling to make this work. I am not just being a slacker, I lack something that is holding me back from losing this weight and going inside of this gym! Up until yesterday...
Well yesterday I went to the gym. Earphones in, Rick Ross blaring (cuz that big breasted man is my motivation) no worries, I got this!  I had to pep talk my ass out of the car! WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! I was seriously scared to walk inside of this gym. It was packed. Sweaty men were all over the place and I was meeting eyes with some of these dudes. I look like shit, I feel dumpy as hell, I aint ready for this... I get on the stair climber only because all of the treadmills are taken. After 7minutes and 45seconds of me being on the stair climber, I almost died... No, seriously my legs had no feeling... A little cute petite woman hops off her treadmill and I'm like YESSSSS!!!! Nooooo bitch, noooooo!!!!!!!!!! No you are not ready! I stayed on the treadmill for 10minutes at 4.5 speed. I am not this outta shape. Just 3 months ago I was running non stop on the treadmill for 10-15 minutes! But at this moment in time, my body was telling me, not today you thick Mcdouble!
My mouth was dry, my head was getting dizzy and I was feeling like I had to throw up! Oooooh no, Yolanda dont make an ass outta yourself! I quickly went into my car, laid my head back on the seat and called my co-worker who is in tip top shape to tell her about my experience. Emmy I don't think I can do this. Im about to die BITCH!!!! I think I'm just gonna watch what I eat. I feel like I am going to pass the hell out! Snickering... Uhmmmm, why is Emmy laughing out loud at me...??? I feel some kinda way about this.. Emmy asked me what I ate before going to the gym... I had an egg white omlet that morning and a banana @7pm before the gym. "Bitch! Are you trying to kill yourself while running! " Emily, why are you yelling at me... :( What? What did I do wrong?? Emmy explained to me that I didn't put enough in, to exert that amount of energy out. So I had to eat something right away. I did that an instantly felt better!  My mom checked my sugar level and Emmy was right.  I was low... So tomorrow I met up with a trainer and he is going to show me how to work out properly... Again,  I am going to do my best... I will have another story for ya! And maybe even a few pics as well... we will see! Until tomorrow my loves!!! Muah ♥♥♥

BTW excuse all typos this blog was done all on my droid! :))