Regaining Your Confidence!

There is a lot you don't know about me. I am a lot of things.I am a daughter, sister, lover and friend. Sometimes I am a good daughter, sister, lover and friend, but sometimes I am not. I love people and I care for people. But sometimes I can't stand people to be around me! Sometimes you just wanna be left alone! It's funny because as I grow older, I realize that there are a lot of things that I really don't even know about me! I learn a lil bit more about me everyday.! I call it maturity and growth. I call it "regaining confidence" in yourself. Allowing what you learn along the path of life to guide you throughout life. This blog was supposed to be about me! This once fat girls journal on how to become fit and fine. I realized sooner than later, this is not what I needed. I realized that I needed to have confidence in any size jeans I was in. Food wasn't the culprit to my unhappiness. Situations and people whom I allowed into my home, my life, my circle. These were some of the things that caused me to be unhappy and leaded me to feed my emotions. 

I write when the spirit moves me to write. I am not an everyday blogger and sometimes I am just in a slump. I don't want to do anything because I really am consumed with LIFE! But when the spirit moves me, I am obedient and I do what it tells me to do. About 2 months ago my spirit was happy. The person who I really truly cared for and began to love was coming home! I was excited, over joyed and happy! We met over 2 almost 3 years ago. But we split and then we decided to try it one more time. As you know, while he was gone, I started my health awareness and began eating better and exercising. I wanted to be healthier and stronger but, I also wanted to look fabulous and sexy once he saw me after being gone for so long. When he got back, I had lost a total of 34 pounds! AMAZING! Within  4 months, I lost 34 pounds! I felt good and I looked good!

 I slipped on my Recco Chapele body huggin dress! My boobies were sitting puuuurfectly and that body was right!  And when he saw me!!!!!!! Nothing... Not one word. Not one word of babe you look good. Not one word asking me how I lost the weight, not one word... Wow. Kinda crushing. A lot of other things were not right, (that I wont go into detail about... right now...) but I was kind of crushed. Here it is, I am no longer at risk for predisposed diabetes, I look and feel great! Is it just me. Am I tooting my own horn too much?? Well, needless to say I decided to allow that relationship to cease. We can always be friends. But I knew from that day, the fire wasn't there that I needed to keep me going. The fire to keep me inspired, happy and encouraged to live my life healthier and better wasn't there.

I didn't allow the relationship get me down! In fact it made me work harder! I am so happy right now. I keep reassuring myself that I would rather be alone than unhappy. I get out 3 or 4 times a week and work out in the park! I go and walk for 45 minutes to an hour to clear my mind, think about what I need to do and imagine where I want to be in the future. It is free and I don't have to worry about dirty ass men stalking me in the gym, looking at my titts and ass while I jog on the treadmill! I am now 42 pounds down and I have 25-30 more to go. I am taking my time because I want to do this right. But I am not stopping until I get to where I want to be health wise and physically! 

Ladies and gents, never wait on someone to compliment your confidence! Wear your badge of confidence everyday! Knowing that you are awesome and beautiful no matter what nobody has to say! REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE!!! Eat right and Keep it Tight! 

The Beaux is Back

How Can I Stay Focused

Many of you don't know about my personal life. I kinda am a private person and I really keep to my self when it comes to my relationships. I feel like a lot of times when you are happy and you start speaking on it, you can jinx your relationship. People want what you have! Before you know it, drama pops up outta no where! To be honest, I am 30 years old. I have noooo time for bullshit and drama. I want marriage, I want children, I want a healthy, strong and meaningful relationship. I don't think its much to ask for... With that being said, hey guys meet Corey!

I have known Corey now for almost, lets see here... 3 years. And I think he is a pretty decent guy. Of course we all have our flaws, but with him its nothing major. He is soft spoken, pretty gentle with me and my feelings and most of all he is a wonderful dad to a pretty little girl. I met him one night at a grand opening for a restaurant called Purple Rain. I was cute, but real regular this particular night. Usually when I go out to grand openings, I doll her up with makeup and push the girls all the way up to thee top! Lol. But this particular night, my friend Tonita convinced me to go out with her. I really didn't want to go out. But friendship rules! I threw on this over sized one shoulder out sweater, leggings and a pair of pumps.  Why did I do that? When I got there, press was out taking pics, celebs were there, hoochies were out with band aids on, and a cute guy playing the drums was there as well... Yup, my baby is a talented musician. During his break from playing, he sat across from me and kept starring! I felt under done and outta place. So I wasn't trying to talk to him. But on his 2nd and final break of the night, he came over and talked to me. We exchanged numbers and the rest is history.

That leads me to the following... Corey is a drummer. And he has been gone for a loooooong 6 months. Our schedules conflict and I haven't been able to go and see him when he ports in New Orleans. I am a girl who doesn't need a lot. But when I need love and affection, I need it like a drug. When Corey left I knew he would be gone for a long time. I made the decision that when he came back, I wanted to be shape. I wanted to look and feel sexy. I think when u look and feel sexy, that energy bounces off of you and attacks the person whom you are with. When I saw Corey at the airport, I had on a form fitted Reco Chapelle dress, high heels and fabulous bedroom tossled hair. I had confidence! I felt certain that he desired me. I was happy to see this man who I hadn't touched, felt, smelled, kissed or made love to in 6 months... Crazy right! I know. It drove me almost INSANE!

 I MUST STAY FOCUSED! Since Corey has been back I have not been to the gym. I have not worked out and even though I control my portions, I have been eating whatever the hell he wants to eat. Women, you know we can't do what men do! Corey can drop weight instantly. Me on the other hand, has to keep my ass stayed in the gym to burn off thigh meat! I have to stay focused. Even though I want to be next to my man 24/7 (cuz he is leaving again soon) I can't be. I have to work out still and keep it sexy for us. I also think that when men see you focused on other things besides them, it keeps them intrigued. So, tomorrow I am going to the gym early in the a.m. to hit the paint hard! I got a body to keep healthy and in shape for ME! Then I am going to see about that man who I am growing more and more fond of by the minute... Tehehehe. ;) Remember ladies! EAT RIGHT AND KEEP IT TIGHT! 

I Must Admit...

To thine own self be true Yolanda! 

Okay, I must admit it to myself and to those of you who follow me... My gym routine has been a little slack. I am not the one to make excuses, but it's not my fault!!! I started going to the gym with all intentions on working out to help boost my weight loss. But since my near death experience, I was kinda scared of the gym. So, I decided that I needed to get a trainer. I would need he or she show me what I need to do, in order to get me where I want to be. So I finally met up with my trainer at LA Fitness to see what he was talking about. He was a wonderful guy. We talked  and he asked me a few questions like, Why I wanted to lose weight? What foods do I like the most? You know, the things a trainer would ask on your first meet and greet. Then we went and started my work out. Not too bad! He was actually kind! Nothing crazy like the nazi's on television who you see make fat boys and girls puke all over the screen! No, he was encouraging and I like him! The work out was intense enough to have me sore for the next few days, so it worked! I liked him! After the work out, I went back to his desk to discuss the financial commitment of having a trainer. 

I already made up in my mind that I wanted to pay $150 a month to meet up with my trainer once or twice a week. I just need the essentials! Teach me how to use the equipment, show me how to work out my core, and instruct me on how to tone and tighten all over! In between our sessions I will work out myself and make it work for me! Well, after sitting me down, we started talking. I find out that my trainer isn't going to be my trainer. The man that I felt comfortable with for the past hour is a manager who basically is there to take my payment...  My trainer is actually a man who after meeting him for the first 5 seconds, I could tell he was trying to calculate how he was going to get me naked in the steam room after hours... #1 I hate men who think they are the shit. After flashing me his million dollar smile, I noticed he was holding a pink and purple heart iphone case. I look at the phone with a smirk on my face and say, "Cute phone case... I like the purple sparkle hearts..." Instantly I knew he was holding a chicks phone! There was no way in hell, that was this dudes phone! He quickly stated that it's his other clients phone. A woman then walks up to us with a sports bra and spandex on and says she needed her phone. She says this while looking at me up and down... Wooooow! This dude is a gym pimp! Oh no thanks! I am not subscribing to this! Can you just imagine me working out on all fours and this dude touching and grabbing some of my 2000 parts??? Yea, no thanks. I'm good! 

 And on top of me finding out that he was going to be my trainer, I was going to have to pay $190 to sign up plus $180 a month and on top of that I was going to have to sign a contract that tied me into this deal for 50 weeks!! Wooooooooooo Nelly!! This is way too much and I don't want to commit to that! This is not something I want to even consider. 

So I have been avoiding that gym all together.

I have been doing floor exercises at home but I really don't think it's doing what I want it to do! So I am soliciting help! LOL! If you have any exercises that you think will help to trim, tighten and tone, hit me up at fatgurlfine@gmail.com! I love to get emails from you guys! I got some wonderful recipes and tips for weight loss! KEEP IT COMING!  Also, if you are a trainer and you want to work with me, please e-mail me as well. I would love to feature you in my blog! Until next time FAT GUYS AND GURLS, eat right and keep it TIGHT!!!! Muah! 

The Work Out...

Oh God, please be with me tomorrow... I have been very successful with dieting. I managed to lose 16 pounds thus far with just watching what goes into my mouth. Look, to me thats the easy part to dieting only because I barely eat as it is. What scares me the most with this whole diet is the work out regime!  Now, let's talk about my gym... ** long pause** Dick City Central! As soon as I hit the door, BAM! I feel like men are watching me. As I look straight ahead trying not to make eye contact with any of these dudes, I feel more and more uncomfortable. My other LA Fitness was not like this hip hop club of a gym! Maybe I should get a membership at Curves instead of LA FITNESS... Naaaah, the thought of 50 year old women trying to show me up cuz they are in better shape would just piss me the hell off. And I don't wanna trip an old ass lady up and make her fall and break a hip... O_o
So I went to LA Fitness last week to renew my membership... First off lets talk about how DAVE! at the gym was trying to make bank on me! First off DAAAAVE! I don't like the gotdayum gym in the first place!  So no im not going to pay you $129 to come to this bitch only twice a week!!! This Asian must have lost his lil kong pow chicken mind! Nope ain't gonna happen I have to get my nails done tomorrow.  So, $76 dollars later... **long pause followed by a blank stare** I got a membership key chain again and now I am ready to hit the gym baby! WooooooHoooo!!!!!... Yea right bitch! Do you know it's going on 2 weeks and I have yet, to step foot inside of that gym. And the sad thing about this story is that, I have to pass the gym everyday to go and from work. This is a mind issue. I think with me, I tend to have it all together, but I really am struggling to make this work. I am not just being a slacker, I lack something that is holding me back from losing this weight and going inside of this gym! Up until yesterday...
Well yesterday I went to the gym. Earphones in, Rick Ross blaring (cuz that big breasted man is my motivation) no worries, I got this!  I had to pep talk my ass out of the car! WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! I was seriously scared to walk inside of this gym. It was packed. Sweaty men were all over the place and I was meeting eyes with some of these dudes. I look like shit, I feel dumpy as hell, I aint ready for this... I get on the stair climber only because all of the treadmills are taken. After 7minutes and 45seconds of me being on the stair climber, I almost died... No, seriously my legs had no feeling... A little cute petite woman hops off her treadmill and I'm like YESSSSS!!!! Nooooo bitch, noooooo!!!!!!!!!! No you are not ready! I stayed on the treadmill for 10minutes at 4.5 speed. I am not this outta shape. Just 3 months ago I was running non stop on the treadmill for 10-15 minutes! But at this moment in time, my body was telling me, not today you thick Mcdouble!
My mouth was dry, my head was getting dizzy and I was feeling like I had to throw up! Oooooh no, Yolanda dont make an ass outta yourself! I quickly went into my car, laid my head back on the seat and called my co-worker who is in tip top shape to tell her about my experience. Emmy I don't think I can do this. Im about to die BITCH!!!! I think I'm just gonna watch what I eat. I feel like I am going to pass the hell out! Snickering... Uhmmmm, why is Emmy laughing out loud at me...??? I feel some kinda way about this.. Emmy asked me what I ate before going to the gym... I had an egg white omlet that morning and a banana @7pm before the gym. "Bitch! Are you trying to kill yourself while running! " Emily, why are you yelling at me... :( What? What did I do wrong?? Emmy explained to me that I didn't put enough in, to exert that amount of energy out. So I had to eat something right away. I did that an instantly felt better!  My mom checked my sugar level and Emmy was right.  I was low... So tomorrow I met up with a trainer and he is going to show me how to work out properly... Again,  I am going to do my best... I will have another story for ya! And maybe even a few pics as well... we will see! Until tomorrow my loves!!! Muah ♥♥♥

BTW excuse all typos this blog was done all on my droid! :))