Getting Back on Track

I need to get back on track! Guilt is kicking in and I see myself slowly stopping the good thing I have going on. I acknowledge that I have not been working out, I have been eating more carbs. I have been drinking juice and soda, I have been going out and eating out with my new love and boyfriend who is 6'2" and a solid piece of man candy! I HAVE BEEN SLACKING OFF! AND I HATE IT! BEING TOO GOT DAYUM COMFORTABLE AINT NEVER GOOD! So much is going on in my life, weight loss seems to be the least of my concerns. My car is totaled, I have 3 jobs most of the time. I battle with myself a lot, trying to decide whether I should go left or right. A lot stays on my mind. At night I can't sleep and my mind is constantly going and turning... I realize that stress can push you to success or it can push you over the cliff. I want to be my best me. Sometimes it is so hard to keep focused on your goals and accomplish success when you are going through hell. So many things are going down. But I have so much to look forward to. Imma keep pushing and keep going! I have no other choice. So many people wanna see you trip. But there are so many people who wanna see me make it! Imma give the haters a show and my followers a masterpiece they can learn from. Don't worry about what I am doing. Just watch how I do it. I'm not giving up. I want to make it a goal to get 25-30 pounds lighter. I'm going to do it. It might not be right away, but its going to happen. I am going to show me that I have control and self discipline. No matter what, never give up on your goals! That is the enemy trying to steal your birth right of happiness! You deserve the best in life! Make it happen girl! GO! DO IT! MAKE IT HAPPEN! NEVER GIVE UP! FIGHT! FIGHT, KICK & SCREAM FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE HAPPY! Why? Because deserve to be happy. Loving me is the best thing I can do for me... As I encourage myself, I hope I encouraged you. Remember to eat right and keep it tight!

Regaining Your Confidence!

There is a lot you don't know about me. I am a lot of things.I am a daughter, sister, lover and friend. Sometimes I am a good daughter, sister, lover and friend, but sometimes I am not. I love people and I care for people. But sometimes I can't stand people to be around me! Sometimes you just wanna be left alone! It's funny because as I grow older, I realize that there are a lot of things that I really don't even know about me! I learn a lil bit more about me everyday.! I call it maturity and growth. I call it "regaining confidence" in yourself. Allowing what you learn along the path of life to guide you throughout life. This blog was supposed to be about me! This once fat girls journal on how to become fit and fine. I realized sooner than later, this is not what I needed. I realized that I needed to have confidence in any size jeans I was in. Food wasn't the culprit to my unhappiness. Situations and people whom I allowed into my home, my life, my circle. These were some of the things that caused me to be unhappy and leaded me to feed my emotions. 

I write when the spirit moves me to write. I am not an everyday blogger and sometimes I am just in a slump. I don't want to do anything because I really am consumed with LIFE! But when the spirit moves me, I am obedient and I do what it tells me to do. About 2 months ago my spirit was happy. The person who I really truly cared for and began to love was coming home! I was excited, over joyed and happy! We met over 2 almost 3 years ago. But we split and then we decided to try it one more time. As you know, while he was gone, I started my health awareness and began eating better and exercising. I wanted to be healthier and stronger but, I also wanted to look fabulous and sexy once he saw me after being gone for so long. When he got back, I had lost a total of 34 pounds! AMAZING! Within  4 months, I lost 34 pounds! I felt good and I looked good!

 I slipped on my Recco Chapele body huggin dress! My boobies were sitting puuuurfectly and that body was right!  And when he saw me!!!!!!! Nothing... Not one word. Not one word of babe you look good. Not one word asking me how I lost the weight, not one word... Wow. Kinda crushing. A lot of other things were not right, (that I wont go into detail about... right now...) but I was kind of crushed. Here it is, I am no longer at risk for predisposed diabetes, I look and feel great! Is it just me. Am I tooting my own horn too much?? Well, needless to say I decided to allow that relationship to cease. We can always be friends. But I knew from that day, the fire wasn't there that I needed to keep me going. The fire to keep me inspired, happy and encouraged to live my life healthier and better wasn't there.

I didn't allow the relationship get me down! In fact it made me work harder! I am so happy right now. I keep reassuring myself that I would rather be alone than unhappy. I get out 3 or 4 times a week and work out in the park! I go and walk for 45 minutes to an hour to clear my mind, think about what I need to do and imagine where I want to be in the future. It is free and I don't have to worry about dirty ass men stalking me in the gym, looking at my titts and ass while I jog on the treadmill! I am now 42 pounds down and I have 25-30 more to go. I am taking my time because I want to do this right. But I am not stopping until I get to where I want to be health wise and physically! 

Ladies and gents, never wait on someone to compliment your confidence! Wear your badge of confidence everyday! Knowing that you are awesome and beautiful no matter what nobody has to say! REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE!!! Eat right and Keep it Tight! 

The Beaux is Back

How Can I Stay Focused

Many of you don't know about my personal life. I kinda am a private person and I really keep to my self when it comes to my relationships. I feel like a lot of times when you are happy and you start speaking on it, you can jinx your relationship. People want what you have! Before you know it, drama pops up outta no where! To be honest, I am 30 years old. I have noooo time for bullshit and drama. I want marriage, I want children, I want a healthy, strong and meaningful relationship. I don't think its much to ask for... With that being said, hey guys meet Corey!

I have known Corey now for almost, lets see here... 3 years. And I think he is a pretty decent guy. Of course we all have our flaws, but with him its nothing major. He is soft spoken, pretty gentle with me and my feelings and most of all he is a wonderful dad to a pretty little girl. I met him one night at a grand opening for a restaurant called Purple Rain. I was cute, but real regular this particular night. Usually when I go out to grand openings, I doll her up with makeup and push the girls all the way up to thee top! Lol. But this particular night, my friend Tonita convinced me to go out with her. I really didn't want to go out. But friendship rules! I threw on this over sized one shoulder out sweater, leggings and a pair of pumps.  Why did I do that? When I got there, press was out taking pics, celebs were there, hoochies were out with band aids on, and a cute guy playing the drums was there as well... Yup, my baby is a talented musician. During his break from playing, he sat across from me and kept starring! I felt under done and outta place. So I wasn't trying to talk to him. But on his 2nd and final break of the night, he came over and talked to me. We exchanged numbers and the rest is history.

That leads me to the following... Corey is a drummer. And he has been gone for a loooooong 6 months. Our schedules conflict and I haven't been able to go and see him when he ports in New Orleans. I am a girl who doesn't need a lot. But when I need love and affection, I need it like a drug. When Corey left I knew he would be gone for a long time. I made the decision that when he came back, I wanted to be shape. I wanted to look and feel sexy. I think when u look and feel sexy, that energy bounces off of you and attacks the person whom you are with. When I saw Corey at the airport, I had on a form fitted Reco Chapelle dress, high heels and fabulous bedroom tossled hair. I had confidence! I felt certain that he desired me. I was happy to see this man who I hadn't touched, felt, smelled, kissed or made love to in 6 months... Crazy right! I know. It drove me almost INSANE!

 I MUST STAY FOCUSED! Since Corey has been back I have not been to the gym. I have not worked out and even though I control my portions, I have been eating whatever the hell he wants to eat. Women, you know we can't do what men do! Corey can drop weight instantly. Me on the other hand, has to keep my ass stayed in the gym to burn off thigh meat! I have to stay focused. Even though I want to be next to my man 24/7 (cuz he is leaving again soon) I can't be. I have to work out still and keep it sexy for us. I also think that when men see you focused on other things besides them, it keeps them intrigued. So, tomorrow I am going to the gym early in the a.m. to hit the paint hard! I got a body to keep healthy and in shape for ME! Then I am going to see about that man who I am growing more and more fond of by the minute... Tehehehe. ;) Remember ladies! EAT RIGHT AND KEEP IT TIGHT! 

BIG GURLS NEED LOVIN' TOO!

Dammit!! Big gurls need to be loved as well!!!
 I was searching the internet looking for a reasonable picture of a man showing love toward a plus size woman.It's close to Valentines Day and I wanted to do an article.Well, I searched for a good 30 minutes! But all I could seem to find was foolishness and fuckery... Huh? So you mean to tell me that plus size women as myself is incapable of love and affection? Really?... As a woman who has always been the thicker of the click, I must admit. I had my hang ups at times. Wondering if a man could love me for all of my perfect imperfections. And now that I was doing this google search and can't find this type of love, I wonder if it even exist...
Lets be real here for a second! MEN LIKE THICK, FAT ASS, BIG BOOBY CHICKS! It aint what I am guessing, it's what I know for a fact. I have dated gorgeous men! And when I say gorgeous, I mean just that. I have dated the trainer who is now the GM of major fitness company. I have dated the model who you have probably seen on t.v. for one of my most favorite reality shows. I was in love with and engaged to a man who trained UFC fighters. And I had a rocky and crazy relationship with a fine ass, hot head Pittsburgh thug who wore me out! All of that to say that momma can pull'em! But that is besides the point! Were these men loving me for me or for my form? It seems like the thick chicks get excluded from the real love section. I don't want a man who just loves big fat chicks either. Those BBW men are weird as hell man!! They have creepy ass fetishes that I just don't get down with. Like eating ice cream outta fat chicks belly button! That shit is so not cool and creepy... LOL! I like men who love women! I like men who can look at me and can say, she has style, charisma and sexiness... I don't want a man that looks at me and says, "She's big! I want her!" So not cute! My size has never defined me!                                    
As I got older I learned how to embrace and love me. I exuded a confidence like no other. I had confidence in the way I walked, the way I talked and in the way I dressed. I wear 6 inches of heel perfectly for my 5'8'' 200 pound frame. That's me! That's who I am! But even with the bigger than life personality, I still have my insecurities... I am involved with a man now who I can honestly say I am in love with. I think that this is my year to love and have someone to love me back equally. Corey and I have know each other for at least 2 years now and even though we have know each other for some time, I think we have finally grown up to take it to another level. He is gone a lot due to him being a musician. And that is one thing that I am growing to learn. Groupies love musicians and they love this dread head, drum tapping negro! So I am learning to be easy and not let that worry me. He loves his daughter and he loves his music. All I know is, he better put my thick ass right in the middle of that equation. He has been gone on tour with a cruise line for 3 months now and he wont be back until April... I wonder if he is going to like the new frame he sees at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport?!? I have lost 16 pounds since the last time he saw me... I am hoping to drop another 16-20 before he gets back home in April. Will he be shocked?... Who knows...

Found a man who knows where to put his hand on a woman... Lol I <3 this dude!