Regaining Your Confidence!

There is a lot you don't know about me. I am a lot of things.I am a daughter, sister, lover and friend. Sometimes I am a good daughter, sister, lover and friend, but sometimes I am not. I love people and I care for people. But sometimes I can't stand people to be around me! Sometimes you just wanna be left alone! It's funny because as I grow older, I realize that there are a lot of things that I really don't even know about me! I learn a lil bit more about me everyday.! I call it maturity and growth. I call it "regaining confidence" in yourself. Allowing what you learn along the path of life to guide you throughout life. This blog was supposed to be about me! This once fat girls journal on how to become fit and fine. I realized sooner than later, this is not what I needed. I realized that I needed to have confidence in any size jeans I was in. Food wasn't the culprit to my unhappiness. Situations and people whom I allowed into my home, my life, my circle. These were some of the things that caused me to be unhappy and leaded me to feed my emotions. 

I write when the spirit moves me to write. I am not an everyday blogger and sometimes I am just in a slump. I don't want to do anything because I really am consumed with LIFE! But when the spirit moves me, I am obedient and I do what it tells me to do. About 2 months ago my spirit was happy. The person who I really truly cared for and began to love was coming home! I was excited, over joyed and happy! We met over 2 almost 3 years ago. But we split and then we decided to try it one more time. As you know, while he was gone, I started my health awareness and began eating better and exercising. I wanted to be healthier and stronger but, I also wanted to look fabulous and sexy once he saw me after being gone for so long. When he got back, I had lost a total of 34 pounds! AMAZING! Within  4 months, I lost 34 pounds! I felt good and I looked good!

 I slipped on my Recco Chapele body huggin dress! My boobies were sitting puuuurfectly and that body was right!  And when he saw me!!!!!!! Nothing... Not one word. Not one word of babe you look good. Not one word asking me how I lost the weight, not one word... Wow. Kinda crushing. A lot of other things were not right, (that I wont go into detail about... right now...) but I was kind of crushed. Here it is, I am no longer at risk for predisposed diabetes, I look and feel great! Is it just me. Am I tooting my own horn too much?? Well, needless to say I decided to allow that relationship to cease. We can always be friends. But I knew from that day, the fire wasn't there that I needed to keep me going. The fire to keep me inspired, happy and encouraged to live my life healthier and better wasn't there.

I didn't allow the relationship get me down! In fact it made me work harder! I am so happy right now. I keep reassuring myself that I would rather be alone than unhappy. I get out 3 or 4 times a week and work out in the park! I go and walk for 45 minutes to an hour to clear my mind, think about what I need to do and imagine where I want to be in the future. It is free and I don't have to worry about dirty ass men stalking me in the gym, looking at my titts and ass while I jog on the treadmill! I am now 42 pounds down and I have 25-30 more to go. I am taking my time because I want to do this right. But I am not stopping until I get to where I want to be health wise and physically! 

Ladies and gents, never wait on someone to compliment your confidence! Wear your badge of confidence everyday! Knowing that you are awesome and beautiful no matter what nobody has to say! REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE!!! Eat right and Keep it Tight! 

I Must Admit...

To thine own self be true Yolanda! 

Okay, I must admit it to myself and to those of you who follow me... My gym routine has been a little slack. I am not the one to make excuses, but it's not my fault!!! I started going to the gym with all intentions on working out to help boost my weight loss. But since my near death experience, I was kinda scared of the gym. So, I decided that I needed to get a trainer. I would need he or she show me what I need to do, in order to get me where I want to be. So I finally met up with my trainer at LA Fitness to see what he was talking about. He was a wonderful guy. We talked  and he asked me a few questions like, Why I wanted to lose weight? What foods do I like the most? You know, the things a trainer would ask on your first meet and greet. Then we went and started my work out. Not too bad! He was actually kind! Nothing crazy like the nazi's on television who you see make fat boys and girls puke all over the screen! No, he was encouraging and I like him! The work out was intense enough to have me sore for the next few days, so it worked! I liked him! After the work out, I went back to his desk to discuss the financial commitment of having a trainer. 

I already made up in my mind that I wanted to pay $150 a month to meet up with my trainer once or twice a week. I just need the essentials! Teach me how to use the equipment, show me how to work out my core, and instruct me on how to tone and tighten all over! In between our sessions I will work out myself and make it work for me! Well, after sitting me down, we started talking. I find out that my trainer isn't going to be my trainer. The man that I felt comfortable with for the past hour is a manager who basically is there to take my payment...  My trainer is actually a man who after meeting him for the first 5 seconds, I could tell he was trying to calculate how he was going to get me naked in the steam room after hours... #1 I hate men who think they are the shit. After flashing me his million dollar smile, I noticed he was holding a pink and purple heart iphone case. I look at the phone with a smirk on my face and say, "Cute phone case... I like the purple sparkle hearts..." Instantly I knew he was holding a chicks phone! There was no way in hell, that was this dudes phone! He quickly stated that it's his other clients phone. A woman then walks up to us with a sports bra and spandex on and says she needed her phone. She says this while looking at me up and down... Wooooow! This dude is a gym pimp! Oh no thanks! I am not subscribing to this! Can you just imagine me working out on all fours and this dude touching and grabbing some of my 2000 parts??? Yea, no thanks. I'm good! 

 And on top of me finding out that he was going to be my trainer, I was going to have to pay $190 to sign up plus $180 a month and on top of that I was going to have to sign a contract that tied me into this deal for 50 weeks!! Wooooooooooo Nelly!! This is way too much and I don't want to commit to that! This is not something I want to even consider. 

So I have been avoiding that gym all together.

I have been doing floor exercises at home but I really don't think it's doing what I want it to do! So I am soliciting help! LOL! If you have any exercises that you think will help to trim, tighten and tone, hit me up at fatgurlfine@gmail.com! I love to get emails from you guys! I got some wonderful recipes and tips for weight loss! KEEP IT COMING!  Also, if you are a trainer and you want to work with me, please e-mail me as well. I would love to feature you in my blog! Until next time FAT GUYS AND GURLS, eat right and keep it TIGHT!!!! Muah! 

BIG GURLS NEED LOVIN' TOO!

Dammit!! Big gurls need to be loved as well!!!
 I was searching the internet looking for a reasonable picture of a man showing love toward a plus size woman.It's close to Valentines Day and I wanted to do an article.Well, I searched for a good 30 minutes! But all I could seem to find was foolishness and fuckery... Huh? So you mean to tell me that plus size women as myself is incapable of love and affection? Really?... As a woman who has always been the thicker of the click, I must admit. I had my hang ups at times. Wondering if a man could love me for all of my perfect imperfections. And now that I was doing this google search and can't find this type of love, I wonder if it even exist...
Lets be real here for a second! MEN LIKE THICK, FAT ASS, BIG BOOBY CHICKS! It aint what I am guessing, it's what I know for a fact. I have dated gorgeous men! And when I say gorgeous, I mean just that. I have dated the trainer who is now the GM of major fitness company. I have dated the model who you have probably seen on t.v. for one of my most favorite reality shows. I was in love with and engaged to a man who trained UFC fighters. And I had a rocky and crazy relationship with a fine ass, hot head Pittsburgh thug who wore me out! All of that to say that momma can pull'em! But that is besides the point! Were these men loving me for me or for my form? It seems like the thick chicks get excluded from the real love section. I don't want a man who just loves big fat chicks either. Those BBW men are weird as hell man!! They have creepy ass fetishes that I just don't get down with. Like eating ice cream outta fat chicks belly button! That shit is so not cool and creepy... LOL! I like men who love women! I like men who can look at me and can say, she has style, charisma and sexiness... I don't want a man that looks at me and says, "She's big! I want her!" So not cute! My size has never defined me!                                    
As I got older I learned how to embrace and love me. I exuded a confidence like no other. I had confidence in the way I walked, the way I talked and in the way I dressed. I wear 6 inches of heel perfectly for my 5'8'' 200 pound frame. That's me! That's who I am! But even with the bigger than life personality, I still have my insecurities... I am involved with a man now who I can honestly say I am in love with. I think that this is my year to love and have someone to love me back equally. Corey and I have know each other for at least 2 years now and even though we have know each other for some time, I think we have finally grown up to take it to another level. He is gone a lot due to him being a musician. And that is one thing that I am growing to learn. Groupies love musicians and they love this dread head, drum tapping negro! So I am learning to be easy and not let that worry me. He loves his daughter and he loves his music. All I know is, he better put my thick ass right in the middle of that equation. He has been gone on tour with a cruise line for 3 months now and he wont be back until April... I wonder if he is going to like the new frame he sees at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport?!? I have lost 16 pounds since the last time he saw me... I am hoping to drop another 16-20 before he gets back home in April. Will he be shocked?... Who knows...

Found a man who knows where to put his hand on a woman... Lol I <3 this dude!

Who is that FAT GIRL??

Yea that was my same question! Who is the hefty chick looking back at me in the mirror! One night after getting out of the shower, I noticed a big dark line creeping up my stomach... WTF!?!? Omg, what the fuck is that???? Is that a stretch mark?!?!? I could not believe what the hell I was looking at. I NEVER in my life had any dark marks on my body! I never even had a scar that I could tell a story about on my body. I was always protected by mother who made sure I never had any cuts or scrapes on my skin. That's why I never learned how to ride a bike! My mom didn't want me to mess my pretty legs up!  So why now? Why is it now at the age of 30, I have a huge fucking line on my stomach. I was so disgusted with myself that night, that I actually went to bed in tears. I have eaten my way to disfigurement.
Flashing back to some events that happened earlier that year in 2012... I can see why I packed on the LB's... Not to make excuses for my weight gain.Cuz, I hate those types who blame having a fat ass on their overbearing mother or their abusive father... Nah, I don't blame anything on anyone. But I can honestly say that I had some crazy things happen to me. #1 I got out of a dead end losing relationship with a loser... #2 I was in school trying to meet deadlines for graduation, #3 I was without a job for a whole year, #4 I lost my apartment do to me not having a job, #5 I turned 30, #6 I had to move back home with my mother #7 I LOVE FOOD AND VODKA and I party waaay too much... OMG! I am as big as a fucking house and my life is in ruins!!!! NO WONDER WHY I AM A FAT ASS!!!! 
I went through a little bit of a pitty party that some people may call depression... I don't call it that! I call it a party without a DJ... Yea, I hate saying depression. What are you depressed about. Every time a bitch says she is depressed I want to slap the shit outta her and say "BITCH FOCUS! There is a child hungry somewhere in the world; you are depressed??" So yea, I was stuck at a party without a DJ for a few months and it sucked ass... How am I going to get out of this funk. How am I going to lose this weight and be a happy healthier me?... Well this is my journal of how I am losing these Heavy Duty Pounds and remaining stretch mark free. Read along and find out how I cope with relationships, work, family (which is a very big struggle) and just LIFE! I am learning how to be a healthier happier me and putting an end the family curse of obesity and sickness. 2013 LET'S GO!